Soccer, camping and what a spring!

Ok...so...I haven't updated the blog in a while. Sorry! We have been sooooo busy. We have t-ball (Anna) on Monday and Wednesday nights, baseball (Cam) on Tuesday and Thursday nights and we just finished soccer (YAY!) on Saturday. Both the kids' teams placed 2nd in their tournaments. Pretty good! I'm always excited for them to do well. Cam had a great time playing the goalie position this year. That's where he really wanted to be 80% of the time. The other 20% he wanted to be a forward. :-) Anna on the other hand hardly ever kicked the ball. But...in the last game she kicked it 6 times!!! What a miracle. LOL! Poor kid, she finally gets into the sport and it's the last game of the year. Oh well. I think she goes for the social aspect of the sport.

I'm also posting some family camping trip pictures. I didn't take as many as usual, as the mood around the camp was a little sober as we knew Big P was sick and not doing well. Then after we found out of his passing, it just seemed to go from sober to down right shitty. Ah well. We will again camp at Timberline and look forward to a much brighter time next year.

The kids are now done with school. It was a great year and I had lots of fun getting to know the kids in their grades. Cam had a primo class with lots of "good kids" as where Anna had an interesting mix of kiddos. I love them all and can't wait to see them in the fall.

Thanks again to all our friends and family that check on us. Kate, we missed you and Anthony up in Benzie. Cam had hopes of playing baseball/basketball with his "2 big tall guys...you know, the one...Uncle Eric and the other guy, mom...you know, he comes with Kate." Again, I assume he means Anthony! :-)

Well, here are pictures and video!

Something simple

Ever had something that you needed to say, and didn’t or show someone how much you love them and didn’t? I’ve been avoiding writing this post for some time now and finally, I think now is the time.

A close friend and relative passed away Sunday morning. Mike Patterson (aka Big P) was 37. He had cancer. He left behind an amazing wife and 2 beautiful daughters. Now we are all struggling to figure out why things like this happen.

I know, you’re thinking…another sappy lecture from Melissa. Well, you might be right. But, if I inspire one person to think about what I’ve said, then I’ve done my job.

I’ve watched family members be born and die. The circle of life is never ending and it’s in constant motion. People come into our lives and leave us at times when we may need them most. I’ve lost grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends and a very special father-in-law. I know the pain and hurt of death. I know the ache that resonates in my heart day after day each time I think of that special person. We all do. I’ve watched Wayne lose both of his parents. To see the pain in his eyes was almost unbearable. Life isn’t fair when it comes to death.

These past few days I’ve watched many family members struggle with the passing of Mike. We’ve all asked God the same question. WHY? Why Mike, why now, why cancer, why…… As of this morning, we still don’t have an answer, nor do I think we will get one. That’s part of life. Sometimes it’s just plain shitty. But there is a little thing we can do before…..

I love you.

Simple as that. Telling someone that I love you can mean so much. After this week, I have vowed to tell my kids, Wayne, my family and friends how much their love and friendship means to me. Sure we say I love you when we hang up the phone or when we hug someone goodbye, but I want you all to really mean it. Take the time; share your feelings with your family and friends. We never know what God’s plan is for our lives. I don’t want to live thinking, “Man, I should have told that person that I loved them or what they meant to my life.”

So this is my cyber “I love you!” to all my friends and family that read our blog. I love you all and can’t thank you for your support and love. We have been so blessed that I just can’t tell you what your following has meant to us. We are grateful to have friends from around the world check in on our little family and keep up with what we are doing.

None of us are ever really alone, for there is always someone, somewhere wishing they were with us again.

Sisters

As most of you know, my family does a lot together. Any time that we aren't doing with someone else, we're together. Tyler (Theresa's fiance) took this picture us at my grandparents' house this last weekend. Sorry Treepah, I forgot to crop the picture!

Anna's picture

Anna made this picture today at school. It's a drawing of our truck and the camper. Now, our camper isn't orange, but it has some orange and brown stripes on it. Wayne's truck IS red and it has an extended cab. I love how you added 2nd floor windows (our camper does have upper bunks, so it would appear to people on the outside that we have 2 floors!). Anna also drew the antenna on the top of the camper. We are headed to Benzie this weekend for our 14 year of camping at Timberline. I'll post pictures of the trip next week. :-)

Water bugs/Scooters

Here is a little video of some water scooters that we saw. I thought it was cool, bu they don't show up that well. Bummer!

1st graders and the Ludington State Park

Here are some random pictures that I took while out to the State Park with Anna's class. Enjoy!

Ambassador for International Adoptions: China Division

Interesting conversations…

While at that eye doctor today, I had 3 conversations about Julia and adoption. The first was with a girl that knew me from the hotel and she was a former tanner (the hotel where I used to work has a tanning salon). She asked very pleasantly about Julia and I had no troubles sharing with her about adoption. I guess part of me has become an “ambassador” for international adoption.

The second people I spoke with about Julia were an older couple who has grandkids that were adopted from the Marshall Islands. First, I had no idea that the Marshall Islands were involved with international adoption and second, I felt bad as I had no idea where it is! Either way, they were very nice.

Finally, I spoke with my optometrist and she mentioned having read Karin Evans’ book, “The lost daughters of China”. So, again…I retold Julia’s story. Dr. Lang spoke of her desire to adopt from either China or Africa. We shared some of the same views and I can’t wait to hear what her and her husband decide to do.

There are some very common threads with all three of these discussions. They all started with, “She’s just beautiful!” Why yes, we think she is, but she’s our daughter. Do they think that Julia is cute because she really is cute or because she’s Chinese? Part of me is torn when it comes to this question. I dunno, I guess I just smile and say thank you. Although, I did nothing to contribute to her looks. LOL!

I think part of how people view adoptive families and just adoption in general could be based on these limited conversations. This is where I try to educate and provide an inside to peak to others who might be considering adoption. Now, were the older folks going to adopt? No. But their lives had been touch by their grandchildren from the Marshall Islands. Was the former tanner going to adopt? I don’t have the slightest, but I used my “mom intuition” to judge where she was coming from in her line of questions. I felt that she was genuine and sincere. No need to shut down and not share our experiences. Same with Dr. Lang, I felt that she was truly interested and wanted to hear about our adoption journey and how things went for us.

All 3 people had no idea that Julia was “special needs”. Did I point it out? No, however, I made mention of it when they commented on how quickly we had made it through the maze of paperwork and red tape. (FYI: We started in April 19th of 2005 with no paperwork done and completed Julia's adoption on December 1st 2005. The average wait time from LID {log in date} to referral in the traditional program now is 18-24 MONTHS!) I think it’s important to share that the Waiting Child program is typically a shorter waiting time than the traditional program; if you are open to some unknowns (nonetheless there are some unknowns with ANY adoption whether domestically or internationally…or in my opinion, when you give birth too).

2 years ago I would have had no idea that having Julia in our family would bring me to being an educator of others. Even today, people still think of adoption as out of the norm. Why would we want to adopt when we could have had more biological kids? Some people are just fascinated with what drives people to adopt. I was one of those people 2 years ago too. I wish I could recall the people were so nice to share their stories with me. I truly wish to thank them for being open and welcoming to the “newbie”. :-)

Pictures as promised!

Here are the pictures that I said I would post later today. :-)

Here is Anna and her teacher, Mrs. Smith

Here are Anna and Julia with friends from school.

Cam and his teacher, Mrs. Dahringer.

Cam and Johnny waiting for the 2nd half to start

Cam heading off the field

These are some tulips that came up this spring

Here's Anna with Ryan and Alexis

Julia at the music program

Cam driving the lawn mover

Julia looking too cute as she helps pick up rocks

Anna and her daddy

Anna and Andres during the game

The Orange Lightning in action!

I'm on the speaker/presenter page and Fam updates

I checked the HLA-NC (those are the super cool people that invited me to present) and I'm on their list of speakers and presenters! Ok..not a big deal, but this sort of thing still excites me. Especially, when you look at who the other presenters are. Here's the link if you want to see who will be at the conference. (I'm at the bottom!)http://www.nchearingloss.org/presenters2007.htm

Oh my goodness!! We have been so busy. Cameron and Anna are playing AYSO soccer this year (practices are Tues. and Weds. with games on Sat.), we started baseball this week (practices for Cam are on Mon. and Weds. nights), along with the Spring Music program (which happened to be on 2 separate nights...soccer nights). UGH! I also went to Lansing on Tuesday to accept an award for PAC (Parent Advisory Committee). We submitted our Parent DVD project and won and award with the MASB (Michigan Association of School Boards). That was so cool! The ISD gets a road sign for out front of the school and also a trophy for inside! Wayne is headed to St. Ives today to play his first round of golf of the season.

Ok...well, I need to get ready for the day. We are heading in early today because we have Anna's IEP. For those that don't know, an IEP is an Individual Education Plan. Because of Anna's hearing, we have this plan in place to set goals for the school year. Anna works with an HI (hearing impaired) consultant outside of just having a general ed. teacher. We no longer have a speech therapist. I know...you wondering, how can a child with moderate hearing loss not need a speech therapist? Well, in my opinion...it was the early intervention that made a difference. We started speech with Anna when she was 6 months old.

Anyways...Life continues to rumble along at a fairly fast pace. I'll post some pictures later today.

*Warning* Contains content that may be frustrating to some readers!

As you can tell, I’m a bit cynical today. LOL! Sorry!

Anyways, I had to pass along my good news. I was selected to present at the “Focus on Hearing” conference that is being put on by the Hearing Loss Association of North Carolina. I submitted a proposal and it got accepted! YAY! Here’s the link to the website: http://www.nchearingloss.org/ I’m really excited about this.

I got a really nice email from a woman named Joan who told me that I had been selected. I had to write this really formal proposal and it’s a bit nerve wracking trying to figure out how to make my family story seem interesting. Apparently, I did an ok job! The conference isn’t till September so I have a little time to work on my PowerPoint.

I’ll have to look at the presentation that I put together for the 2004 National EHDI conference and see if I can add to it or if I just need to start over. Plus, if we want Anna to present next year at the EHDI I might want to make this PowerPoint similar to what we’ll need for that.

Sooo….Sorry to toot my own horn, but I’m really thrilled to be selected for this. Hearing the parent perspective is so important and I’m glad that Joan thinks that my family story would make nice addition to their conference.

(Does this fall under the category of using my children's special needs to promote myself or point out their differences? I'm still waiting to hear from the person who posted the nice comment a few days ago...No such luck so far!)

Many hugs!

Melissa (The self promoting monster...Muuahahahaaa...)

P.S.--I love being sarcastic if you hadn't noticed. :-)

AAI has a new list...

Just wanted to pass along that AAI (Adoption Associates, Inc. in Jenison, MI) has a new list of waiting children. Of course, there isn't a kiddo on that list that I wouldn't love to bring home. However, for now...we have put our plans to add on hold. A girlfriend of mine jokingly mentioned getting pregnant. I laughed and said, "I'll pass on that. I've got 3 kids and they all arrived in different ways. Cam was a c-section, Anna was a natural birth and Julia was adopted...Adoption was the easiest by far!!" :-)

So, if you're a family that is considering adoption, please go check out AAI. They are a great agency to work with and I would use them again in a heartbeat. http://www.adoptassoc.com/international/waiting_children/

Cooler heads and more thoughts

Today the weather matched my mood. It was rather gloomy here and a day full of rain. I've read, re-read and thought quite a bit about my post from last night. First, I realized that I really should be writing in Word. My spelling and grammar errors are horrible. Hahaha! But seriously...

I thought of changing my blog to private. Meaning that only the people that I choose can read it. Well, that defeats my purpose for continuing to write. Plus, I refuse to let the comments of one person change how I do things. There are a few people I let influence how I live my life or how I parent my children and frankly, it's not going to a person who doesn't know me personally. Part of me wants to let this whole thing go, and another wants me to figure out what drives a person to make deductions and judgements about someone they have never met in person (at least not that I'm aware of), has never met my kids, doesn't know anything about me and Wayne other than what I've posted here.

With that said, I'm opening the door. My friend Mik has often encouraged me do things that are uncomfortable for the sake of being a better person. (Much along the lines of WWJD.) To the person that left the comment, if you are still checking our blog (which I'm pretty sure you are as I can tell who has been here by my counter), I invite you to personally email me and maybe you can share your prospective and we can have a conversation that would clear up some of those issues you apparently have with me.

My email address is: ladybugsandtheredthread@yahoo.com :-)

Interesting Comment

I'm going to use this comment as a chance to clarify what this person seems to think of me. If you are a regular reader here and don't look at the comments left by others, this is what I got earlier today:

"You have these wonderful children...you want them to be treated as equals. So why in heavens name do you insist on pointing out their imperfections as often as possible? I am sure they want to feel "normal" just as much as everyone else. How would you feel if someone always spoke about your disadvantages? It almost seems like you are trying to make yourself seem better because you are able to take care of "disabled" children but it seems like you are using them to bring attention to yourself."

Let me start by thanking you for reading my blog. Apparently, you have found the link to our family story and found it interesting. But, seeing how you really don't know my family or our WHOLE story, I don't think you are too qualified to comment. :-) Sorry if that upsets you. However, please feel free NOT to read about our family.

Why do I point out my kids imperfections? I don't. I've lived with hearing loss 24/7 since Anna was born 7 years ago. Makes me bit of an expert. You may not like how I use Anna's hearing loss or Julia's atresia and microtia to promote EDUCATION about special needs adoption and the over all treatment of kids with special needs. My kids are every bit NORMAL. But what the hell is normal to you? Is it a perfectly formed body?? Is it having hearing like most people? Is it being thin? Define normal for me.

Oh and my disadvantages? I'm about 60lbs overweight, I have to wear glasses/contacts and I think I have adult ADD. I have tons of issues and I'm sure I could write a other blog about those, I doubt that would hold your attention.

About making myself seem better for parenting "DISABLED" kids...Um, ask God about that one. He gave us Anna. She was the catalyst for being interested in special needs. Am I better because I choose a child in China that was orphaned because she has a congenital birth defect? Nah, there are lots of us out there. Do I take the high road sometimes, yes. Yes I do. Because I think there are some very large gaps in the traditional program vs. waiting child program. Wait, this is MY BLOG. I can post what I want about my feelings and my views. Imagine that! I've been involved in China adoption issues for 2 years. I've learned a lot. I think there are some families that feel like they got the shaft when it comes to infertility. I have been witness to some very vile conversations about how it's not fair that some couples can have 10 kids and other can't have any. I've had people question my desire to adopt when I could have had more biological kids.

Bringing attention to myself? Hmmm...you ever go grocery shopping with 3 kids? Ha! Talk about loud and attention drawing. Again, this is my blog. If I want to draw attention to myself, I CAN! LOL! Besides, what do you care? I mean, really...But I can talk about myself if you really want to know more. Let's see. I'm the president of our Parent Advisory Committee, I've spoke at the National EHDI conference. Wayne and I helped the state set the guidelines for Michigan's Universal Newborn Hearing Screens. I volunteer 2-3 days a week in Anna's classroom. I've did presentations for the CEC. I like reading, writing, and watching sports. Anything else that might be attention drawing?

I think you could say the point of my blog is exploitation. I started it so friends and family could follow our journey to China to bring Julia home. Well, if I were having a baby, would people want to read about my doctor appointments? Hardly. It's more interesting because we are adopting from China. Am I pointing out Julia ethnicity? Yep. And that makes her DIFFERENT. No matter what we write about, separates us from others. No 2 adoption stories or journey's are the same. Do you take issue with me talking about Julia's nationality?

So in conclusion, I hope I have enlightened you once again. My kids are individuals. I treat them all differently. Just last week, Anna and I were looking at the pictures of the day she was born. There's one where she can't be more than 5 minutes old, she's laying on the scale still covered in blood and she asked where her hearing aids were. She knows she's different. Life for her is NOT NORMAL by the typical standards. She has to wear hearing aids. She can't hear me when I talk to her without them. I want my kids to beware of the world around them. All 3 kids are very sensitive to others that are different. My kids don't stare at people who are missing limbs or who have special needs. I've taught them that we are all different, all special in own way. I remember a bumber sticker I saw in high school...WHY BE NORMAL?? Besides, normal is boring. :-)

BTW...I'd love to see your blog so I can critique your family.

~Melissa~ (The attention grabbing mom from hell.)

Ears and more ears!!

Anna's ear with her purple hearing aid! She's the total mod girl with the black and white stripes.

Here's Julia's right ear. This is the microtic ear. This is one she calls cute.

This is Julia's left ear. It's normal besides the little "node" part is a little bigger.

Julia and her little ear

I’ve been reading old posts about our trip to China and about Julia’s transition into our family. I still can’t believe how all this has turned out. I’m sure I’ve said that enough times to make my regular readers sick, but it’s the truth. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t look at Julia with a sense of wonderment. She’s an amazing little girl.

I caught her checking out her microtic ear in the van the other day. Remember that Julia has atresia and microtia. She has a deformed ear and is missing an ear canal. I’ve had plenty of people comment that she’s so normal. Well, believe it or not, most special needs kids ARE normal. :-) Ok, Ok, I’m a little defensive when it comes to the whole traditional program vs. waiting child program. I can’t help it. ANYWAYS!! We (Julia and I) had a talk about her ear and why she was born with it. I told her that God made her special that way. Cameron needs to wear glasses, Anna needs to wear hearing aids and she has her “little ear”. I also told her that God doesn’t make mistakes. After all this, Julia says, “I like my little ear. It cute!” Yes, it is cute. This is the type of dialog that leads me to not reconstructing her ear. Maybe once she’s older and want to have something done; then yes, I will concede and we will look into it. Part of her identity is her ear. She will hide it from the kids at school some times and on other occasions she will walk around showing off “her little ear” like it’s a trophy.

I’ll post some new pictures of her ear later this week. :-) Have a great night. Cheers!

Easter pictures

Here are my favorite Easter pictures of the kids. I love the one of Anna and Julia together. Just a quick plug for the bows. They are from my girlfriend, Tonni. She custom made these for us. I had sent her the headbands that had the printed bows and she turned them into the gorgeous barrettes you see here.

Interesting cartoon

The Muskegon Chronicle ran this cartoon and I really liked it. But, not from the standpoint that you're probably thinking. I looked it at from my adoptive parent view...That here we are, the "Fast Food Society" wanting things to go fast, be totally easy and well, wanting it our way. Here's stands China, the giant in charge of the adoption process, not so willing to submit to our demands (and I agree that they shouldn't...it's a PRIVILEGE, not a right to adopt their beautiful children.)

Mom's new hair

Ok, ok...Julia took this picture in the van after church yesterday so it's not the greatest quality. But..it gives you an idea as to what my new hair looks like. I decided on Friday that I needed a change and this is what I came up with. I was tired of my boring old mom hair. So...this is new me!

I'm back!

Phew…I’m back! What a whirlwind trip. I wanted to sit down and write a little about my trip to Salt Lake City.

First, I need to thank Wayne for making sure that I continue to attend the National EHDI (Early Hearing Detection and Intervention) conference. He knows how important it is to me and makes sure that we find ways for me to get there.

So, you’re asking yourself…Why did Melissa go to Salt Lake City? Well, it was for the National EHDI conference! EHDI is the program that instituted the UNHS (Universal Newborn Hearing Screen). Anna’s hearing loss was identified by the UNHS and it’s so important for me to share our experiences as a family with all the professionals that attend the conference. Anna went with me in 2005 when it was in Atlanta. She loved meeting everyone and she is a shining example as to how well the system can work. Had Anna’s hearing not been tested at birth, I doubt that we would have known that she has a hearing loss. Anna has bilateral sensorineural hearing loss that is mild to moderate in range. It’s a congenital birth defect and at this point, we don’t know what caused it. We may never know. There is genetic testing available, but we aren’t rushing to do it. Anna may or may not have the gene that causes hearing loss or she may have a gene that hasn’t been discovered yet that causes deafness. There are too many unknowns about the genetic testing that we feel that decision should be left up to Anna when she gets older.

Anyways…back to my trip! I met some very incredible women while I was out there. Molly from Indiana was a just a peach and we had a great time having lunch and getting to know each other. Then, there’s the clan from Wisconsin that I just love. Renee, Chris, Elizabeth, Laurie, Lorie, Sharon, Dr. Schumann, Sharon, Rachel, Kelly, and Ann (no particular order…just trying to remember how we sat at dinner at the Red Iguana) were so much fun and so sweet. I had a great time going to dinner and hanging out with their “cool kid’s crowd”. Not to say that the Michigan girls aren’t as fun, but I just clicked with Badger women. Being the lone Spartan at the table was no treat! Haha!

But on the serious side, I did get a lot out of the conference. I listened to a few sessions on genetics (as you can tell from above!), the North Carolina EHDI program (which has the Beginnings program), and course anything that had to do with families. I had a great talk with Dr. White again (the super tall guy from the pictures below). He's just so impressed with Anna and her knowledge of the whole Newborn Hearing Screening. Well, I thought it was important for her to know how we found out about her hearing. After talking to Janet DesGeorges about the presentation that we wanted to do for next year, I think that Anna needs to come and present. I’m going to start a power point this summer and see where it goes.

I did a lot of walking around in Salt Lake City. We ate at a few cool brew pubs and they were good. Squatters and Red Rock were the two that people seem to hit most. I ate lunch with Janet and two other moms at an authentic Austrian bistro and that was excellent! All in all, there are plenty of good eats around the downtown area of SLC.

There are quite a few neat places too. Obviously Temple Square is the most interesting. I was amazed at the gardens inside the square. I’m not going to comment on my feelings about the Mormon issue. I feel like those are personal beliefs and this is America and we are entitled to believe as we please. Enough said. I did a little shopping at an “Artist’s Market” of sorts. It was located across the street from the hotel and I got some fabulous earrings for me and Anna there. They had tons of neat things there. I could have spent plenty there, but didn’t!

After three days, I was good and ready to come home. I missed Wayne and the kids. No matter how great the bed was with all the pillows, I apparently enjoy the cramped bed at home. J There’s nothing like having a sleepy Anna crawl in at 4:00am and settle in for a few more hours.

Oh yeah. For those of you that really knew us, we lost our beloved cat Buzz (aka Percy) this past week. I had no idea that he would be going so soon, but he began to lose weight and I didn’t want to admit it. I can now look at the pictures that I took on his last day and see how sick he really was. He knew it was time, we knew it was time and he passed away. We will miss him greatly as he had been with us for nearly 13 years. Now our only pet is Riley Jean. She will be 13 next month. People still ask us if she’s a puppy because she doesn’t act like the senior citizen that she is.

Well, time to get off of here and get some dinner going. Many hugs!

My walk around Salt Lake City

A cool reflection in the glass

Another view of the Temple Square

The Art Center

Yep....blossoms!

This is me and Dr. Karl White....Anna loved the "big tall guy" in Atlanta and so he posed with me for a picture. :-) Karl is the Director of NCHAM (National Center for Hearing Assesment and Management @ Utah State University) and the sweetest man alive.

This is me in front of the Rose Wagner Theatre...it was 72 degrees!

Pictures of the mountains

Looking up the street near Temple Square