Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Birthday thoughts

Tomorrow is my birthday. Remember the days of anticipation for the day that was all yours? The day that mom made your favorite breakfast, the day when you got to take cupcakes to school and got to be the cool kid for the day, they day that you never wanted to end because it was yours? I wish that birthdays would be like that again. As an adult some of that magic is gone. Another birthday means another year of gray hair or a few more wrinkles. Another year of thinking “How did I get this old and uncool?” But with being uncool I’ve learned a lot.

I’ve become more patient and kind towards others (unless you happen to be in front of me on Ludington Ave. and don’t know where you want to turn and driving too damned slow!) and I try to put myself in other’s shoes a bit more. I take great pleasure in the triumphs of my children. Seeing Cam score a goal or block a great shot in soccer or when Anna gets an “A” on her spelling tests or when Julia learned how to write her name. Those are the things that mean a lot to me. Yeah, I still think about changing the world with my presentations on hearing loss, but if I can get 3 kiddos to turn out has happy, healthy, productive adults than I’ve made the world a better place. As a parent, I’m still learning every day. I try to do the best and hope that my kids see my efforts and appreciate them as adults. I know I didn’t give my parents enough credit for their efforts. Being a parent is hard work!

Wayne thinks that I’m too serious most of the time and I don’t relax. I tell him that if I relaxed any more I’d be a pool of jello. After 11 years of marriage, I’ve learned that’s it’s better to disagree than to try to prove whose right. I’ve conceded that Wayne will always be the better money manager (unlike me who sent a credit card payment to the wrong Discover card account), he will always be a better house cleaner and repair man. I on the other hand, handle all the kid’s stuff better. Scheduling appointments, running here and there for all sorts of things, volunteering for anything that interests me and taking care of others are the things that I excel at. Those are things that Wayne either doesn’t care to do or don’t float his boat. He could never stand up in front of 500+ people and talk. That’s the kind of thing I love!

Speaking of love…something else I’ve learned is that no matter how hard we try, we all put conditions on our love that we give. Like the kids, I know they love me, but they will show it more if they get things that they want (like video games, Webkinz, and eating out to dinner!). I think the person that says that they love unconditionally is lying. No one does. We all feel better about our loved ones when they do the things we want them to do. It’s part of being human. I’ve also learned that no matter how much you love someone, it’s not going to make them a better person, heal their wounds or keep them from being ill. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting to give them everything in my heart to help them. I would give my last breath if it meant saving the life of someone I loved. (Kinda dark, eh? lol!)

So to wrap it all up, there won’t be any balloons, cake or ice cream tomorrow. But I will still feel like the day is all mine, like it was meant for me.