Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A big debate, and if you flame, I'll kick your....

Don't say I didn't warn you. This is a post I've been putting off for a bit. Not sure how I wanted to approach it. But today, I made up my mind.

Stay at home moms Versus Working moms
For most of you that read my blog, you know that I'm a SAHM (stay at home mom). I love it. I've worked part time on and off since Cam was born in 1997, but for the most part, I've always had the privilege of being able to stay home. I personally have felt that I'm better off being a mom than a woman climbing a corporate ladder somewhere. Isn't that the great thing about America...we can CHOOSE. At some point we all make decisions about what's best for our families. Some moms have to work, some choose to work, and some of us choose to stay home. So here's my question and the debate part:
Why do (some) working moms make comments to us SAH moms like "well, you have plenty of time, you're home all day..."??

Why do some SAHM make comments to working moms about "having it all"??

There are days that I want to work outside the house, I want to take my talents and use them in other ways than folding laundry or making beds. There are days that I'm very grateful that I can be home when the phone rings and Anna needs hearing aids batteries at school or Cam needs to come home because he's sick. But, I'm tired of people making me feel like because I don't work, that I have TONS of time to do extra shit like volunteer for every PTC meeting or school event. There are lots of things I love to do, but because of my fatigue, I struggle to do. Hell, I've had the same load of white clothes needing to be folded since Friday and haven't done it. I've felt like crap. (Does anyone really care if their socks are wrinkled?) I just hate feeling judged for my choice to stay home. Are working moms jealous? I have no idea. My closest friends (both working and not) have HUGE respect for each other and UNDERSTAND what the other goes through. However, I am guilty of making the "supermom" comments about working parents. Working is something that since I don't have a college degree, has never been something I've felt compelled to do, so understanding the need to work outside the home is foreign to me.

My nurse practitioner made a great observation...Working moms try to over compensate because they can't be at everything and SAHM's volunteer for everything (unless we're sick! LOL!) because we don't contribute financially to our household. I agree. Just wish more moms respected each other's choices.

So if there's anyone out there that wants to argue, go somewhere else to do it. It's my blog. I can write about whatever I want. You're entitled to your opinions, just not on my site! :-)


Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

love you, melissa!!!

michelle soneral said...

Love you, Aunt Melissa!
I also loved, loved, loved staying home that first year Eric & I were married. But then the babies didn't come and I got a job. And now I am trapped in that corporate career world. I felt guilty even making calls to adoption agencies and social workers at work. And so I stopped. And so here we are. Saving for retirement instead of college educations for our children...

Dawn said...

The problem is that it is so hard no matter which side you are on.

Just remember no one can make you feel guilty without your permission so just don't go there. (easier said than done sometimes) But if you work outside the home and enjoy it, then GREAT for you, don't belittle those who don't. If you stay home, GREAT, but don't criticize those who don't.

One last thing, there is NO SUCH THING AS REALITY, only perception so we can only look at our perception of our lives and be happy with that. Someone else's perception may (and usually is) be completely different!!

Love ya Melissa!!