*Warning* Contains content that may be frustrating to some readers!

As you can tell, I’m a bit cynical today. LOL! Sorry!

Anyways, I had to pass along my good news. I was selected to present at the “Focus on Hearing” conference that is being put on by the Hearing Loss Association of North Carolina. I submitted a proposal and it got accepted! YAY! Here’s the link to the website: http://www.nchearingloss.org/ I’m really excited about this.

I got a really nice email from a woman named Joan who told me that I had been selected. I had to write this really formal proposal and it’s a bit nerve wracking trying to figure out how to make my family story seem interesting. Apparently, I did an ok job! The conference isn’t till September so I have a little time to work on my PowerPoint.

I’ll have to look at the presentation that I put together for the 2004 National EHDI conference and see if I can add to it or if I just need to start over. Plus, if we want Anna to present next year at the EHDI I might want to make this PowerPoint similar to what we’ll need for that.

Sooo….Sorry to toot my own horn, but I’m really thrilled to be selected for this. Hearing the parent perspective is so important and I’m glad that Joan thinks that my family story would make nice addition to their conference.

(Does this fall under the category of using my children's special needs to promote myself or point out their differences? I'm still waiting to hear from the person who posted the nice comment a few days ago...No such luck so far!)

Many hugs!

Melissa (The self promoting monster...Muuahahahaaa...)

P.S.--I love being sarcastic if you hadn't noticed. :-)

AAI has a new list...

Just wanted to pass along that AAI (Adoption Associates, Inc. in Jenison, MI) has a new list of waiting children. Of course, there isn't a kiddo on that list that I wouldn't love to bring home. However, for now...we have put our plans to add on hold. A girlfriend of mine jokingly mentioned getting pregnant. I laughed and said, "I'll pass on that. I've got 3 kids and they all arrived in different ways. Cam was a c-section, Anna was a natural birth and Julia was adopted...Adoption was the easiest by far!!" :-)

So, if you're a family that is considering adoption, please go check out AAI. They are a great agency to work with and I would use them again in a heartbeat. http://www.adoptassoc.com/international/waiting_children/

Cooler heads and more thoughts

Today the weather matched my mood. It was rather gloomy here and a day full of rain. I've read, re-read and thought quite a bit about my post from last night. First, I realized that I really should be writing in Word. My spelling and grammar errors are horrible. Hahaha! But seriously...

I thought of changing my blog to private. Meaning that only the people that I choose can read it. Well, that defeats my purpose for continuing to write. Plus, I refuse to let the comments of one person change how I do things. There are a few people I let influence how I live my life or how I parent my children and frankly, it's not going to a person who doesn't know me personally. Part of me wants to let this whole thing go, and another wants me to figure out what drives a person to make deductions and judgements about someone they have never met in person (at least not that I'm aware of), has never met my kids, doesn't know anything about me and Wayne other than what I've posted here.

With that said, I'm opening the door. My friend Mik has often encouraged me do things that are uncomfortable for the sake of being a better person. (Much along the lines of WWJD.) To the person that left the comment, if you are still checking our blog (which I'm pretty sure you are as I can tell who has been here by my counter), I invite you to personally email me and maybe you can share your prospective and we can have a conversation that would clear up some of those issues you apparently have with me.

My email address is: ladybugsandtheredthread@yahoo.com :-)

Interesting Comment

I'm going to use this comment as a chance to clarify what this person seems to think of me. If you are a regular reader here and don't look at the comments left by others, this is what I got earlier today:

"You have these wonderful children...you want them to be treated as equals. So why in heavens name do you insist on pointing out their imperfections as often as possible? I am sure they want to feel "normal" just as much as everyone else. How would you feel if someone always spoke about your disadvantages? It almost seems like you are trying to make yourself seem better because you are able to take care of "disabled" children but it seems like you are using them to bring attention to yourself."

Let me start by thanking you for reading my blog. Apparently, you have found the link to our family story and found it interesting. But, seeing how you really don't know my family or our WHOLE story, I don't think you are too qualified to comment. :-) Sorry if that upsets you. However, please feel free NOT to read about our family.

Why do I point out my kids imperfections? I don't. I've lived with hearing loss 24/7 since Anna was born 7 years ago. Makes me bit of an expert. You may not like how I use Anna's hearing loss or Julia's atresia and microtia to promote EDUCATION about special needs adoption and the over all treatment of kids with special needs. My kids are every bit NORMAL. But what the hell is normal to you? Is it a perfectly formed body?? Is it having hearing like most people? Is it being thin? Define normal for me.

Oh and my disadvantages? I'm about 60lbs overweight, I have to wear glasses/contacts and I think I have adult ADD. I have tons of issues and I'm sure I could write a other blog about those, I doubt that would hold your attention.

About making myself seem better for parenting "DISABLED" kids...Um, ask God about that one. He gave us Anna. She was the catalyst for being interested in special needs. Am I better because I choose a child in China that was orphaned because she has a congenital birth defect? Nah, there are lots of us out there. Do I take the high road sometimes, yes. Yes I do. Because I think there are some very large gaps in the traditional program vs. waiting child program. Wait, this is MY BLOG. I can post what I want about my feelings and my views. Imagine that! I've been involved in China adoption issues for 2 years. I've learned a lot. I think there are some families that feel like they got the shaft when it comes to infertility. I have been witness to some very vile conversations about how it's not fair that some couples can have 10 kids and other can't have any. I've had people question my desire to adopt when I could have had more biological kids.

Bringing attention to myself? Hmmm...you ever go grocery shopping with 3 kids? Ha! Talk about loud and attention drawing. Again, this is my blog. If I want to draw attention to myself, I CAN! LOL! Besides, what do you care? I mean, really...But I can talk about myself if you really want to know more. Let's see. I'm the president of our Parent Advisory Committee, I've spoke at the National EHDI conference. Wayne and I helped the state set the guidelines for Michigan's Universal Newborn Hearing Screens. I volunteer 2-3 days a week in Anna's classroom. I've did presentations for the CEC. I like reading, writing, and watching sports. Anything else that might be attention drawing?

I think you could say the point of my blog is exploitation. I started it so friends and family could follow our journey to China to bring Julia home. Well, if I were having a baby, would people want to read about my doctor appointments? Hardly. It's more interesting because we are adopting from China. Am I pointing out Julia ethnicity? Yep. And that makes her DIFFERENT. No matter what we write about, separates us from others. No 2 adoption stories or journey's are the same. Do you take issue with me talking about Julia's nationality?

So in conclusion, I hope I have enlightened you once again. My kids are individuals. I treat them all differently. Just last week, Anna and I were looking at the pictures of the day she was born. There's one where she can't be more than 5 minutes old, she's laying on the scale still covered in blood and she asked where her hearing aids were. She knows she's different. Life for her is NOT NORMAL by the typical standards. She has to wear hearing aids. She can't hear me when I talk to her without them. I want my kids to beware of the world around them. All 3 kids are very sensitive to others that are different. My kids don't stare at people who are missing limbs or who have special needs. I've taught them that we are all different, all special in own way. I remember a bumber sticker I saw in high school...WHY BE NORMAL?? Besides, normal is boring. :-)

BTW...I'd love to see your blog so I can critique your family.

~Melissa~ (The attention grabbing mom from hell.)

Ears and more ears!!

Anna's ear with her purple hearing aid! She's the total mod girl with the black and white stripes.

Here's Julia's right ear. This is the microtic ear. This is one she calls cute.

This is Julia's left ear. It's normal besides the little "node" part is a little bigger.

Julia and her little ear

I’ve been reading old posts about our trip to China and about Julia’s transition into our family. I still can’t believe how all this has turned out. I’m sure I’ve said that enough times to make my regular readers sick, but it’s the truth. There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t look at Julia with a sense of wonderment. She’s an amazing little girl.

I caught her checking out her microtic ear in the van the other day. Remember that Julia has atresia and microtia. She has a deformed ear and is missing an ear canal. I’ve had plenty of people comment that she’s so normal. Well, believe it or not, most special needs kids ARE normal. :-) Ok, Ok, I’m a little defensive when it comes to the whole traditional program vs. waiting child program. I can’t help it. ANYWAYS!! We (Julia and I) had a talk about her ear and why she was born with it. I told her that God made her special that way. Cameron needs to wear glasses, Anna needs to wear hearing aids and she has her “little ear”. I also told her that God doesn’t make mistakes. After all this, Julia says, “I like my little ear. It cute!” Yes, it is cute. This is the type of dialog that leads me to not reconstructing her ear. Maybe once she’s older and want to have something done; then yes, I will concede and we will look into it. Part of her identity is her ear. She will hide it from the kids at school some times and on other occasions she will walk around showing off “her little ear” like it’s a trophy.

I’ll post some new pictures of her ear later this week. :-) Have a great night. Cheers!

Easter pictures

Here are my favorite Easter pictures of the kids. I love the one of Anna and Julia together. Just a quick plug for the bows. They are from my girlfriend, Tonni. She custom made these for us. I had sent her the headbands that had the printed bows and she turned them into the gorgeous barrettes you see here.

Interesting cartoon

The Muskegon Chronicle ran this cartoon and I really liked it. But, not from the standpoint that you're probably thinking. I looked it at from my adoptive parent view...That here we are, the "Fast Food Society" wanting things to go fast, be totally easy and well, wanting it our way. Here's stands China, the giant in charge of the adoption process, not so willing to submit to our demands (and I agree that they shouldn't...it's a PRIVILEGE, not a right to adopt their beautiful children.)

Mom's new hair

Ok, ok...Julia took this picture in the van after church yesterday so it's not the greatest quality. But..it gives you an idea as to what my new hair looks like. I decided on Friday that I needed a change and this is what I came up with. I was tired of my boring old mom hair. So...this is new me!

I'm back!

Phew…I’m back! What a whirlwind trip. I wanted to sit down and write a little about my trip to Salt Lake City.

First, I need to thank Wayne for making sure that I continue to attend the National EHDI (Early Hearing Detection and Intervention) conference. He knows how important it is to me and makes sure that we find ways for me to get there.

So, you’re asking yourself…Why did Melissa go to Salt Lake City? Well, it was for the National EHDI conference! EHDI is the program that instituted the UNHS (Universal Newborn Hearing Screen). Anna’s hearing loss was identified by the UNHS and it’s so important for me to share our experiences as a family with all the professionals that attend the conference. Anna went with me in 2005 when it was in Atlanta. She loved meeting everyone and she is a shining example as to how well the system can work. Had Anna’s hearing not been tested at birth, I doubt that we would have known that she has a hearing loss. Anna has bilateral sensorineural hearing loss that is mild to moderate in range. It’s a congenital birth defect and at this point, we don’t know what caused it. We may never know. There is genetic testing available, but we aren’t rushing to do it. Anna may or may not have the gene that causes hearing loss or she may have a gene that hasn’t been discovered yet that causes deafness. There are too many unknowns about the genetic testing that we feel that decision should be left up to Anna when she gets older.

Anyways…back to my trip! I met some very incredible women while I was out there. Molly from Indiana was a just a peach and we had a great time having lunch and getting to know each other. Then, there’s the clan from Wisconsin that I just love. Renee, Chris, Elizabeth, Laurie, Lorie, Sharon, Dr. Schumann, Sharon, Rachel, Kelly, and Ann (no particular order…just trying to remember how we sat at dinner at the Red Iguana) were so much fun and so sweet. I had a great time going to dinner and hanging out with their “cool kid’s crowd”. Not to say that the Michigan girls aren’t as fun, but I just clicked with Badger women. Being the lone Spartan at the table was no treat! Haha!

But on the serious side, I did get a lot out of the conference. I listened to a few sessions on genetics (as you can tell from above!), the North Carolina EHDI program (which has the Beginnings program), and course anything that had to do with families. I had a great talk with Dr. White again (the super tall guy from the pictures below). He's just so impressed with Anna and her knowledge of the whole Newborn Hearing Screening. Well, I thought it was important for her to know how we found out about her hearing. After talking to Janet DesGeorges about the presentation that we wanted to do for next year, I think that Anna needs to come and present. I’m going to start a power point this summer and see where it goes.

I did a lot of walking around in Salt Lake City. We ate at a few cool brew pubs and they were good. Squatters and Red Rock were the two that people seem to hit most. I ate lunch with Janet and two other moms at an authentic Austrian bistro and that was excellent! All in all, there are plenty of good eats around the downtown area of SLC.

There are quite a few neat places too. Obviously Temple Square is the most interesting. I was amazed at the gardens inside the square. I’m not going to comment on my feelings about the Mormon issue. I feel like those are personal beliefs and this is America and we are entitled to believe as we please. Enough said. I did a little shopping at an “Artist’s Market” of sorts. It was located across the street from the hotel and I got some fabulous earrings for me and Anna there. They had tons of neat things there. I could have spent plenty there, but didn’t!

After three days, I was good and ready to come home. I missed Wayne and the kids. No matter how great the bed was with all the pillows, I apparently enjoy the cramped bed at home. J There’s nothing like having a sleepy Anna crawl in at 4:00am and settle in for a few more hours.

Oh yeah. For those of you that really knew us, we lost our beloved cat Buzz (aka Percy) this past week. I had no idea that he would be going so soon, but he began to lose weight and I didn’t want to admit it. I can now look at the pictures that I took on his last day and see how sick he really was. He knew it was time, we knew it was time and he passed away. We will miss him greatly as he had been with us for nearly 13 years. Now our only pet is Riley Jean. She will be 13 next month. People still ask us if she’s a puppy because she doesn’t act like the senior citizen that she is.

Well, time to get off of here and get some dinner going. Many hugs!

My walk around Salt Lake City

A cool reflection in the glass

Another view of the Temple Square

The Art Center

Yep....blossoms!

This is me and Dr. Karl White....Anna loved the "big tall guy" in Atlanta and so he posed with me for a picture. :-) Karl is the Director of NCHAM (National Center for Hearing Assesment and Management @ Utah State University) and the sweetest man alive.

This is me in front of the Rose Wagner Theatre...it was 72 degrees!

Pictures of the mountains

Looking up the street near Temple Square

More pictures from my hotel

This is our group from MI...Left to right: Me, Erin, Lorie, Juli, Juday and Anita
The Temple at night

The cranes at work next door to the hotel

This used to be a mall!

Another view of the construction site

A Room with a VIEW!

This is looking...umm...right (not sure of the direction!) from my window!!

Same direction, different view!

Looking left out my window!

This is my room. This is my bed!! 7!!! PILLOWS just for me!! I've died and gone to heaven!

2 years ago...about this week...

We saw Julia's picture for the first time. We saw this tiny, bald headed baby girl who had mishapped ear. I'm sure you've heard of people speak of "love at first sight"...well, that's exactly what it was. There was something in those dark brown eyes that caught me and whispered, "Are you my mommy?". The picture of above is the exact picture Wayne and I saw for the first time. As we get closer to the date that we got her info, I will post the other photos we have of her. But, this is our Love at First Sight.

I find it interesting that now, two years later, there isn't a picture of a little child who doesn't speak to me. They are all asking the same question. "Are you my mommy?" From what knowledge I have gained in the past two years; being around other adoptive families, most of us moms feel that way. We all have the desire to parent, love, nurture and care for a child who doesn't have a family to call their own.

I'm still amazed at how this has all played out. God is incredible and I am in constant awe of His ability to change lives.

From China comes a tiny plea
Won’t someone come and rescue me
I long to see a mother’s face
To feel warmth of her embrace
My heart is longing for a home
For a father I can call my own
As I wait …I whisper a silent prayer
God, please can’t you find them
I know they’re out there…
Somewhere

Author Unknown

Bucket Project 2007

More new pictures

New Pictures

These are pictures that were taken at Anna's birthday party at the bowling alley. :-)

Wanted: MOM

POSITION : Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to behated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willingto bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the Next. Must handle assembly andproduct safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job isto remain in the same position for years, without complaining,constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those inyour charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment isdue when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE BREATHS WE TAKE, BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.

Quote

My friend Tim has a quote on his profile page at Yahoo that says, "There are many ways to measure success; not the least of which is the way your child describes you when talking to a friend."

I overheard Anna telling one of her friends that I was a good mom because I came in to help out in her classroom a lot. :-) And I was a good mom because I let her use my iPod. LOL!

Giving Up

As much as I hate to type this, we have decided that WACAP is not the agency for us. The have some very unethical business practices and we can no longer go through the heartache. They have a family that applied for YP after we did and because that family will get their paperwork in before us, they will "win" the race and be able to adopt him. We cant't work with an agency who doesn't see what's wrong with that picture.

We appreciate all the support that our family and friends have given us and we hope that YP finds a loving home, it just won't be with us. So, for now, our adoption journey is on hold as we struggle with what to do next. Only God knows what the plan is and we give everything to him.

Melissa & Wayne
Cameron, Anna and Julia

(This was posted on our Chopsticks for 6 blog as well.)